The story of my inner critic
This is the story of my inner critic. It’s been the harsh driver of my education and career up til now. I share this to show you that the inner critic is learnt which means it can be unlearnt.
“Stop crying.” Hot tears fall on the page, one after the other. I can’t stop. I see her frown, her jaw tightening. She is frustrated and angry. I want to get away but she won’t let me until I get it right.
I get it. She needs to know that moving to England was the right choice by making sure I have a different future to her present. Get an education, get a job, get married, get a house, have kids. This is the path she expects me to follow. So here we are at step 1, get an education. First I need to pass the exam to get into the right school.
It’s no fun learning together. I can feel her frustration because she doesn’t understand which means she can’t teach me when I get it wrong. Step 1 is not going well. That means the rest of the path is fckd. How will I get a decent job? Will I be able to support myself? What will I become? Now an adult, I imagine these were the questions racing through her mind because these are the questions I ask myself.
The weight of her expectations are heavy on 10 year old me. But I carry them with me anyway. Her expectations are now my inner critic. A constant reminder that I can’t stop, I can’t fail, and I can’t stray off the path.
But now I know there is a better way.
Process over results.
Pull over push.
Play over perfection.
Compassion over criticism.
My path over hers.
If you want another way, sign up for my newsletter and in return get my free guide ‘5 ways to calm your inner critic’.